Friday, September 4, 2009

Fast growing law firm

Our satellite office in Albany got this funny letter in the mail today. Images are below, but here are some highlights:

Dear Attorney
...
If you are at a point in your legal career that requires a new direction ...


Instead of "Dear Attorney" it should say "Dear Loser".

[Our] firm has become one of the fastest-growing law firms in the Capital Region.

Right. That's what everyone wants in a law firm - fast growth.

Our exponential growth and exemplary reputation have recently allowed us to obtain several top-quality attorneys from long-established firms.

1. We don't think these guys know what exponential means.
2. Exemplary reputation? We ain't heard of you down here in the city baby! Of course, Albany is a backwater.
3. We suspect the "long-established local firms" fell apart, and the losers who didn't have their business fell for this sucker pitch.

We can work with you to develop an ethically compliant formal agreement that will allow financial compensation for matters referred between our practices.

We can do better. We're not constrained by these ethical requirements. We'll shelter any referral compensation through off-shore entities. And our staff provide services you won't want to tell your spouse about. Call us at Dewey Cheatham Howe.

We are also eager to speak with solo practitioners who are exploring their options to make the transition into retirement.

Eager? Really starting to sound desperate now.


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